I heard a story about two men walking along a crowed sidewalks in a downtown business area. Suddenly one exclained:'Listen to the lovely sound of that cricket.' But the other could not hear. He asked his companion how he could detect the sound of a cricket amid the din of people and traffic. The first man who was a zoologist, had trained himself to listen to the voices of nature. But he didn't explain. He simply took a coin out of his pocket and dropped it to the sidewalk, whereupon a dozen peole began to look about them. 'We hear,' he said, ' what we listen for.'
Listening! How do you and I perceive what listening means? What would of happened if our mother are not listening to us? Our mother's ears are tuned to each little sound we make. We all know that a period, a coma, a semi-coma change a sentence. Just like a laugh, a cry, a sigh, mean different wants/needs. A mother's listening skills are so crucial to satisfying our need at that moment.
The same techniques are used by our doctors. The more you share, the more they understand what we are feeling at that moment. Ellen is always stating,'have you written down all you symptoms?' I always answer yes. But that is never enough. 'I want you to read the list to me to make sure you are you not missing something.' I often think if I hold back information of how I am feeling, the doctor will fill in the blanks. No it does no work that why. Just as the doctor is trained to listen to us, not just our words, but also the noises within our body. What does that mean for us? To write down notes, much like if you are giving a discourse. Those notes are there to remind us what we might have forgotten. No fancy words, which we think are impressing the doc. No they are not impressed, the doc wants to hear just straight descriptive definitions. The doctor is just the second half of this business. The first half is your descriptive words. Too many words, like to few words, can choke the communication's flow. To hit the right balance, which is made up of you and the doc, try putting yourself in your doctor's shoe. Remember your long wait in the lobby? Those long waits are do to you and I. When you neglect describing some of your symptoms, you are making your doctor to spend more time with you. You are making his job difficult, while he is trying to figure what is going on in your body. These time-wasting habits saps the doctor's effectiveness.
So who are you? The cricket or the coin?
With a wink and a nod-HeWal

I think the very moment, I popped out the womb, I started to run. All of my early thoughts, I have, are of racing. There was a woods, just west of the old brick house. I remember all of my the siblings and others were going to that woods. I wanted to go in the worst way. But I had to wear shoes. Shoes for feet that long to be freed! Any way, I could not find my shackles, so I wasted time in trying to find them. I found those blasted shoes, and had to run as fast as a mosquitoe being chased by a swallow. That one memory has always driven my energy, the race, the race to taste eferythinkg out in that big old world. You cannot erase a first impression anymore than can you recover eaten candy. My impression was laid out before me.
Many of the comments from teachers was just that, I seem to be racing. When first married, Ellen would state 'Herb please slow down. I cannot walk that fast.' Or when the boys were young, the same thing, their little feet had a hard time to keep up. I can remember one time we had gone on a walk in a State Park. I was charging up the path and before long I heard a soft cry from behind and there were the two boys struggling to keep up. The boys were afraid that I would leave them there in those dark scary woods.
I learned to talk fast, walk fast, work fast, learn fast,drive fast, read fast-you get the picture. But the moment I was strucked with this muscle disorder, every thing came to a quick stop. My whole way of living changed. When you work at a pace without slowing down may actually be addictive. Stress hormones such as adrenaline, noradrenalin, or cortisol fuel arousal and create a seductive rush, the so called adrenaline high. When we operate at a high enough intensity for long enough, we progressively lose the capacity to shift to any other gear. My gears are still grinding to a halt. Well actually the grinding stopped a few years back. I sometime forget that I have a muscle disease. When the pain pills first kick in I don't feel the pain as much and that first impression starts back up, run. I was like an infant, learning all over again, to slowwww downnnn. I no longer can do things on the fly, I must have the presence of mind of slowing and in case of uncertainty decide in a different light. In order to continue, I must have full engagement. Full engagement begins with feeling eager to get to work in the morning, equally happy to return home in the evening and capable of setting clear boundaries. To build capacity, we or I, must push beyond the normal limits, training in the same manner as an elite athlete. This disease, this training, this change of life must continue, continue without the use of my muscles, but with the brain. No matter what we are dealt with, in order to receive that rush from hormones, we must push. Life does not have to quit. No matter what condition we are faced with, continue to race, just race in the brain.
With a wink and a nod-HeWal

Growing up in a household ( household includes aunts, uncles, cousins etc) of old European standard proved to be ever difficult for me. Some where along the way I became touchy, feely, with a quick smile. I am not sure what caused this change, but it happened. The first and almost only word from my grandfather was a short, loud 'HEY!' I jumped every time I heard it. I never heard the typical comments of 'my how you have grown', or 'come and give me a bit of honey' or 'how I love you.' Just heard the hey. After some time had pass, I learned to have fun with the hugging. I loved running up to a stoic aunt and give them a big hug. Each time it was the same; a grunt, a closing up of the limbs-I think this movement was a protectin of body contact, a gentle pushing away, a comment of aa ah ah ah nice to see you my boy. I have heard the words from male relatives;'I am not into that touchy stuff, I like a firm hand shake, or the chest is blowing out-again I think to prevent to much contact-.' Often you would get the "eye", the eye that penetrates to the bone. I always felt that the 'eye' was a warning, however it is a way of seeing who you are. Today I use this "eye." It can cause discomfort to some, but it is a way of understanding that person. The "eye" as I have come to understand, was a way of not making you feel uncomfortable, but it was the families' way of a hug.

I often wondered why was I so different from the rest of the family? Why were my emotions so close to the top? I can hear a point and it will have a big impact with my feelings. I can hear a song or a music piece and I am move strongly. I can watch a movie and cry. It got to the point when my boys are with me, I am sure they had bets on when the first tear would fall. I can see them leaning out from their seat, watching, watching, ever watching.

Now that I have grown some what older, I now know why. I know why I love to hug, to show emotion, to touch another. For a long time I tried to push it away. Why is it we try so hard to be something that we are not? This denial is akin to holding a finger in the dike. The pressure of suppressed feelings will eventually be too great, and the toll will show up somewhere;in anxiety, depression, or numbness, diminished performance on the job, a marriage that blows up, even physical illness.
With my illness it is hard to face my deep emotions, even healthy, we all refuse to accept who and what we have become. We often lack deep roots, firm beliefs and compelling values. We are easily buffeted by the prevailing winds. If we lack a strong sense of purpose we cannot hold our ground when we are challenged by life's inevitable storms. Instead, we react defensively, blaming the storm or simply disengaging and ceasing to invest our energy. Not until I started to fight this disease did I realize that I am a product of not just one side of the family but also from another side who were not afraid to show emotions. I have learned so much in these last few years, being force to stay still for long periods of time, time to think, and that I am like my dad. I am like my dad. What an honor to be like my dad, one who is always there. I only hope that my sons will in time feel the same about me. As I grow older and will face further deterioration of my body the thought of being my dad is a great comfort to me. It allows me to put a foot at a time in front of me, just a step at a time. With a wink and a nod, HeWal

Life? What is life? How is it that I am here? I am here due to a rhythim. We are all here due to the many different rhythms of life. It is these very rhythms that all of life is perfect, even though imperfect. Most rhythms of life however we are not aware of. Life has a pulse, a rhythmic, wavelike movement between activity and rest. The ebb and flow of the tides, the movements between seasons, and the daily rising and setting of the sun. Likewise, all organisms follow life-sustaining rhythms;birds migrating, bears hibernating, squirrels gathering nuts, all guided by rhythms-both those dictated by nature and those encoded in our genes. Our breathing, brain waves, body temperatures, heart rates, hormone levels and blood pressure. all have healthy or unhealthy rhythmic patterns. We are oscillatory beings in an oscillatory universe.
Full engagement requires cultivating a dynamic balance between the expenditure of energy {stress} and the renewal of energy {recovery} in all dimensions. The rhythmic wave is called oscillation it represents the fundamental pulse of life.

But when that natural rhythm is interrupted the following can happen;
A centipede was happy quite,
Until a frog in fun said,
'pray which leg comes after which?'
This raised her mind to such a pitch,
She lay distracted in the ditch.

We too are at times, thrown into a ditch when sicknesses, pain, a change in life, strikes. Our natural rhythms, or what we perceive as our rhythm of life, is thrown off course. I cannot tell you what to due, for we each have a unique rhythm. What works for me may not help you. What to do then? Understand your own rhythm. Understand your own body. Know your limits, your pain, your purpose, simply know your unique rhythm and work in harmony with that rhythm.

Helen Keller once said
"I am only one, but still I am one.
I cannot do everything, but still I can do something.
I will not refuse to do the something I can do."

With a wink and a nod, HeWal

Conflicts occur in many forms such as; our friends, our relatives, our minds, our disease. How often do these conflicts occur? What helps you in facing these conflicts?
Friends try to help with a trip to a bar for a drink, or suggest this cup of herbal tea not that one, maybe water, but only bottle water not tap water. You do realize that water is a cure all? Families have a thousand different cures such as vitamins, a cup of soup, protein or baking in the sun. Our own mind is in conflict. Take a longer walk, eat less ice cream or no more coffee only tea. And how does the conflict occur with our disease. One moment ice cream helps to sooth and the next moment our disease rejects that soothing. Or the hot sauce taste good and the next time it burns. You think maybe today, I will walk an extra block and before the walk is over your legs cramp up.
What helps me? CO-CREATION. How in the world can co-creation help? First think of the definition of Co. It can be a shorten form for the state of Colorado or for a company. It can be the symbol for cobalt. It also stands for together, jointly, partner in an activity. What about creation? Simply to cause, to exist, to produce, or the act of investing.
I once read that the world is an interdepentent, vitally alive organism, of which you are an integral part. The energy of our differences can produce a precious gift we could never have experience alone. When we choose co-creation, we end separation, the root of conflict. Choosing to co-create will transform " your" vision into our "vision". Support will arise from everywhere.
C-creation is a natural result of accepting our connectedness to the world around us and recognizing it's indisputable interdependence. Co-creation is being open to synergistically creating systems that serve the universe of which you arena integral part and that support your overall vision and deep sense of purpose in life.
Every time you think you are not happy, say " I am happy". Say it strongly to yourself, even if your feelings are contradictory. Remember, it is your self- image and not you. Just as a fish can move in the water, you can instantly change to a happy, balanced attitude. It all comes down to you-the individual. To truly have good news, you must be the good news. It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching.
With a nod and a wink-HeWal

When the weather is brewing storms, my body is also brewing it's own storms. My body aches. It takes the pain medicine longer to take affect.I feel like doing nothing. I use to think that I had no control. The weather has many different faces and when the weather's face wrinkles up, frowns, or tears up, I am doomed. I guess every moment we live is out of our control. I would see an accident and think if I had come through here a few moments earlier, I could be in the accident. Or in summer, I will water the flowers and then it rains later. I fill up the car with gas and the next hour it drops by 30 cents.
Our lives are essentially at the mercy of the vast powerful forces out there and beyond my/our control. Therefore, I am the victim of and at the mercy of--- As a consequence, it makes little difference what I want out if life; I have had to learn to settle for whatever I can get, since I am relatively powerless-however you are in charge of your life. No matter how many forces there my be which seem to influence or even dictate part of your life, there is always that part over which you control. When you are clear about what you want you will be infinitely less powerful and victimizable. You will not accept cheap substitutes willingly. It is not how much you know about life, but how you live your life that counts. Those who can avoid mistakes by observing the mistakes of others are most apt to keep free from sorrow. In a world full of uncertainties, the record of what has gone before-human experience-is a sure and reliable as anything of which we know.
The manner in which one single ray of light, one single precious hint, will clarify and energize the whole mental life of him who receives it, is among the most wonderful and heavenly of intellectual phenomena.
With a wink and a nod, HeWal