When I visit my parents, the same basic information, they share with me is 'laugh through our mistakes, our blunders and the little things in life.' I don't know about all of you, but for me, there are times when the little things of life are bothersome and not so laughable. Especially after a long day at work, all I wanted to do was gripe, complain, vent. Or maybe after a long day of feeling lousy because of MY ILLNESS. After all, no one else can understand what I just went through. These days I am no longer face with a full day at work but like all, I still have 'bad days.'
I have come to understand, no I have come to appreciate, the power of laughter. Or what about a simple smile. Once you have a smile on your face it becomes difficult to fuss about an injustice. This mind set, of a smile or a laugh, does much to improve what was qickly becoming a lousy time. It improves not only my disposition but also the others who were going to hear me out.
While at work, I had the privilege of conducting a number of courses designed for management. One of the courses was how to deal with improving and increase success. One of the points was the importance of laughter. In part I stated the following:
'Laughter! Tis a poor man's plaster,
Covering each sad disaster.
Laughing he forgets his troubles,
Which though real seems but bubbles.
Laughter! Whether loud or mute,
Tells the human kind from brute.
Laughter! Tis hope's living voice,
Bidding us to make the choice,
And to cull from thorny bowers
Leaving thorns and taking flowers.'
Why did it take me so long to understand? To put into practice? I even taught the importance of this quailty. I taught this for years to classes of supervisors. The answer;I am not sure about all of you but for me it is because I am simply stubborn. That stubbornness comes from the Dyer's side, my mom's side and not from the Wallace's side.
As I watched the gentle falling of snow, I ponder this line of reasoning. If you were born without sense of humor, set about acquiring this without delay. Nine-tenths of the little vexations of which we make so much have a funny side. If we only looked for it. To meet them rightly, we should laugh about them, instead of crying or whining, as so many of us do. Cultivate that practical sense of humor that will enable you to see the funny side when things go wrong, for it is a quality that is valuable all the way through life.
With a nod and a wink, HeWal

Why when I retired, I am going to have all of this free time. With all of this free time, my flower beds, would be picture perfect. I was going to brush up on my art. Why even my younger sister, Jenny, is sending me pointers to further this education. I was going to read all sorts of books, especially American history, since I seem to lack in this area. I have not read one book on American history. I even went to the library and picked up a few books never to be cracked open. Baking was another area I was going to brush up on. Now with bake goods, my stomach never seems to be full of sweet doughy concoctions. So because of this one small point, I have been busy baking.
I was going to have coffee, at a book store here in BG, three or four times a week with friends. I maybe have done three or four in the last six months.
What happened to this time? Is it possable, that in this retirement life, I have neglected a life of simplicity? Eleanor Roosevelt once said 'A little simplification would be the first step toward rational living, I think.' Time is like a block of marble. You can create simplicity by chipping away at the unreal, useless and the meaningless until like Michelangelo's David, you are left with a life that is breathtakingly beautiful. I use to instruct a number of courses on time management thru simplicity and maybe I have forgotten this one point that 'nature doesn't move in a straight line and as part of nature, neither do we.' The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith. None of us knows what is ahead, especially when faced with a progressive disease. The important thing is to use today wisely and well and face tomorrow eagerly and cheerfully and with the certainty that we shall be equal to what it brings. My body is waning. So maybe I did not get everything done, however did I love this past summer's time? No question it is YES.
With a nod and a wink? HeWal

I am not sure about the rest of you, but I am not ready for bone chilling cold. As most of you know I love winter. I love seeing the snow, the cloudy days, the cool crisp breeze, even some of the cold. It is just that my body gets so cold. I wear thermals to bed, I wear socks all day, and I now I wear a coat when going out. In the past I never wore a coat because it is so bulky, you get hot quickly, and the seat belt just will not click correctly.
I keep a winter coat by the bed so when I need to get up at night, as most of us have too once or twice, maybe three times, or more, so my shoulders, neck, and back stay warm. I notice that if I forget to put the coat on, the muscles, lock up, thus a headache. Even the warm spot in the bed cools down during the nightly walks. This early into winter, i have a sheet, two heavy blankets and a very heavy quilt that mom made for me. This quilt is made from all of the leftover pieces of clothing she made for me. I can see the shirts, or the jackets, pjs etc. When did I get so old? I have said it and will say it again, I have a ninety year old body. I have two uncles in their nineties and get around better then I do.
So even though l love this season, I am not looking forward to the upcoming cold months. I use to say that when I retire we would live in Alaska in the summer and live here the rest of the time. I always thought going to a warm place in the winter is for whimps. Well, welcome to the new whimp!
This little story, that I found, reminds me that spring is not that far:
The snow has built a fortress on the hill-
It looms, forbidding in the winter dawn;
The bare trees shiver as the north wind shrills,
Keens a lament for the summer dead and gone.
But in a window where a sunbeam, wan,
Shines for an hour, a splash of crimson bloom
Lightens the shadow, glorifies the room.

'red geranium'
With a nod and a wink-hewal

Pain

The last couple of weeks, my muscle's have been tender. So what should one do? I try sleeping 12-14 hours a day, however what sort of life is that? I have been trying to stay busy and them my muscles are screaming afterwards. I went to the library and checked out eight fiction books. Most of the time I read only non-fiction, but lately it seems to dry or just tired of all the detailed history or facts. In the last three weeks I have only read one fiction and started a second one. I quit reading them and took them all back to the library. I tried watching more TV but what a waste of time. I found I was glued to the set, watching but I really was not watching just staring at it. Ellen or Alex would point out a acting style or a saying, commercials, movie and would ask 'what a great point? A funny? Their clothes?'then I would reply " what saying? what funny? Clothing?"
So I then tried watching the moon with it's waxing/waning, a sunset, the beauty of falling snow. I buried my self with the coloring books from Dover Publications designed for adults, not xxx adult, but just more detailed. I love using colored pencils. I try mixing different colors or experimenting with shading, or making water come alive?
Or I clean the floor, run to a used book store, see someone. But I cannot seem to ease the pain even taking pain medicines. Don't get the wrong idea, the above does help in the passing of time. I think I am finally getting bored with retirement. What else can I do? My body is limited with my muscles disappearing. I try to keep a positive frame of life, but sometimes soming more is needed.
Any suggestions?
With a nod and a wink hewal,

The last few days have been damp, gloomy, cloudy and of course with a wonderful drizzle. Many yards, driveways, streets are flooded. For this time of the year, I have seen more rain then I can remember. I have never been concerned about flood insurance, however with weather alerts warning us of flooding, I think about it a little more often. Our lives are a mishmash of should I or should I not, what if, maybe, oh well, a little to late. I am sure you get the picture. My mother has repeatedly stated that life is an experiment. Once you have made a decision, for the most part, we can not undo. For instance, if a child disobeys, you could spank or yell, but once you are done, the course has been laid. We come back to the thought of, the should I or should I not?
The same is while you are battling a disease, the should I have or what if, come forth. There are many times, when I look back, maybe if I would have done something differently, maybe? I really cannot look into the future. I will never know if I should have taken that one anti-rejection drug or not. I actually tried three different types. All three cause some sort of harm to my body and yet with this further damage having occurred, was there any benefit? I will never know if I had not taken one of them could I be worst off then before. It seems to be that I am always searching, hoping, wondering if the abundance of life has been fulfilled? We so often feel that the abundant life is made of money, how many shirts are hanging in the closet or is the pantry full. Do I have enough insurance? We as a society are graded by the car we drive, the biggest home on the street, how many organizations we belong to. And why am I the one who is sick? Why not that person? Are people thinking that I am cursed or did something wrong and that is why I am diseased? A leper?
A poet once said:'Abundance is scooped from abundance, yet abundance remains.' or what about:
' All this is full. All that is full.
From fullness, fullness comes.
When fullness is taken from fullness,
Fullness still remains'

Or what about:' the greatest fullness seems empty, and yet it's use is endless.'

Regardless if I have enough flood insurance or not there is still plenty from which I can pull. All I need to do is pull from a view of the mountains, watching the droplets hang on the bough of an evergreen, watching the juncos play in the rain. Looking at the creation that abounds around me is the insurance that I need.
With a wink and a nod HeWal

Before I retired, I read, I garden, went to book stores, greenhouses, I colored/sketch, and had a different bakery for each day of the week, and the special one's every other week. Now reading and gardening, eating bake goods, I get by, however the sketching not so hot at. So I am reading about how to use the right side of our brain with art, the blending of colors, what sort of pencil I need. I have bought every brand of colored pencils, plain, water colore, or prismacolor, Nicole, pro, derwent, Pitt pastel and on and on I go. I have boughten a dozen books on how to draw. I asked my younger sister about many things when it comes to drawing. I have come to realize that some parts of the brain will need to wait before it can do some of these items. At least my stick people are colorful!
I love to read and I buy books like I buy color pencils.If I read a book a week, I will never have enough time to read them all and that is reading the books I have at home. But off I go to the library or I go to a store that sells only new books and I cannot help it, I love used book stores. I cannot walk out that door without having that book in my hand. The moment I walk out of that door, I regret that moment, of not purchasing. I my not read it cover to cover but I need it for research. Research that I am going to do next spring, or for that question I am not sure how to answer, or for a quiz on TV. YES, I will need that book.
I know you can go online to look at books, to buy books, but and that is a large but, I love the smell of books, the feel of the paper, the dust it collects and it completes every room in a house.
Every garage sale, pawn shop, auction, estate sales have that one book you will need. It is the same with a garden center, I stop at everyone I come across. Just ask the boys, every vacation was around a nursery with that one Hosta I want to look at, just to look. Vactions also were about going to each bakery in every town. You can learn so much about a town's makeup by just what type of goodies they sell.
When in autumn the trees turn to the warmth colors of reds, browns, yellows, greens, oranges. This turning of colors is simply the sap heading into the core of a tree. Sap in Sanskrit means essence that which brought the tree to life. When the leaves fall it is not death just a way to reenergize after the gloomy days of winter
So when I have some bad days, weeks, or months I remind myself to just drive and see what baked good is around that corner, what dusty old book laying in a corner of a garage and the smell of that one plant to complete my room, my garden, my tummy, my leaf. With the running of the sap, I energize my core.
With a wink and a nod HeWal

So many changes in such a little time. The nights are getting longer, with shorter days. I love these short days. The sun means so much more when it peeks out. The sunsets are so colorful and dramatic. The drama coming from the layering of clouds. The layers then reflect a different color scheme which would be missed during the longer days. The darken days are packed with the chance of catching up with reading, projects left aside when flower beds are in full bloom, and a time of conversations lost in the heat of summer. The sunlight striking off the wings of crows, the sycamore's shaggy bark lighten up the darken streams, the air with the scent of pine.
This perid of time reminds me of the following words:
'the best things are nearest-breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the Path of Right just before you. Do not grasp at the stars, but do life's paling common work as it comes, certain that daily dittoes and daily bread are the sweetest things in life.'
When the woes of life seem to swallows us, what better time to review the wonders of life. I understand though, it can be difficult to recall such times. We have worries that seem to shadow the brilliance of winter's light. Soon the longer days will be upon us, crowding our days with the planting of seeds, spying out the songs of birds migrating on the winds and watching for the first peek of flowers.
The winter days intensify the pain of my disease, polymyositis, or just poly as I affectionally call this curse. There are times when I just want to scream because my skin is so itchy. Even wearing clothes irrates my skin. It is as if my skin is bruised and the material chaffs. A hug or a hand shake can be painful, except a hug should comfort not hurt. I would rather endure a hug then to ignore the gesture of love. Brightening the long cold day of winter.
With a nod and a wink HeWal

The last few months have been very difficult. I am not sure why? Maybe it is combination of items that have contributed to this feeling of being puny. I lost one of my dear brother-in-laws, neglecting the gardens, hot weather, this disease that creeps evey closer to consuming me. However, I am once again, being trained, trained to endure. This training, this endurance, helps me to understand how my body acts and reacts. This understanding comes from being sensitive to my body needs and what it does not need. What I can take or not take with medicine, vitamins, herbs. Do I need to sleep 10-16 hours, should I walk around the block or two blocks? Can I eat what I want? My habit is to eat sweets. I can eat sweets for all three meals and snacks. Eating sweets all day will not help in strengthing my muscles. It takes real endurance on my part in avoiding sweets all day. It takes real endurance on my part when it comes to speaking. I have to make a decision to either sing or anwser, or read out loud or give a talk. My vocal cords are affected by polymyositis. The voice is much better for now but did I learn for myself to recognize that I need to be careful in this area. I need to understand I can no longer swallow a handful of pills, or chug a drink, or swallow without chewing for I can choke. I need to think before I eat/drink. We all need to readjust our thinking as we grow older But for me pride seems to stand in that path.
I did clean up the flower beds. Every year I look forward to edging the beds. My implement, slices through the grass roots that have started to inch themselves into the beds. Creating smells, wafting gently from the damage roots, the soil, the organism in which we cannot see. Holding those clod of soil for just a moment helps me to understand why gardening is so natural for not just me but for many.
It was once said 'to remain whole, be twisted!
To become straight, let yourself be bent.
To become full, be hallow.
Be tattered, that you maybe renewed.'
Until the next time HJ

I have neglected the flower beds the last couple months. I am always surprised how quickly nature tries to reclaim the land that has been lost to cliviliztion. Homes, acres of parking lot, driveways, streets along with woods cut down for fields of grains and ditches to drain away the swamps. It never takes long for maples, oaks, walnuts and cotton trees to sprout creating new woods. Poison Ivy, poke weed, corn flowers-just a side point, I love corn flowers a true blus flower-, dandelion-another side point a happy yellow flower- and others. A house left alone for long, will quickly need paint, proches in need of attention and holes show up on the roof. The affect of acid rain, the over use of many cides, and introducing invasive plants/animals. And then what about our bodies?
We limit our intake of fat, caffeine, sugars, and white flour. We check the list of ingredients, use only sea salt, and snap up organic produce. We try all sorts of diets, the latest cure all fruit and the over abundance vitamin/herbs. And what about the assorted side affects. The list of affect are far longer then the benefits. Thus in my case, I over compensate. It is no wonder that many of us are caught in a vicious cycle. What works for me may not work for you. I turn to you for advice, what should we do to stop this nightmare occuring in our bodies? I remember these words:
As life grinds on does it grind you away? Are you swallowed up by the hurts and bombardments of life or does the grinding nourish us? Do you allow the grinding to only grind away the grim of this old system or to rebuild us, refresh us?
I look forward to your words of wisdom, until the next time HeWal

The last few days have been tough on me. I think it might be the weather. I never really thought that weather cN effect one so. I muscle hurt more then normally. I feel extra drain. My body is crying out for more naps then usual. The last few days have been damp, cool almost chilly, rainy, a slow persistent rain. My gardens have been neglected the last five-six weeks. I have not bothered with baking sweets( I have been addicted to sweets as long as I can remember). My reading has been limited, along with my art. Not really art, I have found that the coloring books from Dove Publications are wonderful. I have been trying to mix crayons with colored pencils, or pastals. I am laboring to read some books on drawing with pencils. My left-side brain always blind sides my right-side brain. I keep working at linking up with that 'think outside the box'. We have many great artist in our family, it simply by-passed this person. I mull over the thought that "Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education." I wonder what I am?
Until the next time-HeWal

What is it, when a man, goes to the store for groceries? At least with me,Ellen gives me a list of eight item and I come home with twenty-four items. I walk up and down the aisles and all of these products, jump out at me. I ask myself 'you know I will want to have this item for a snack, or want this for supper, or I can make this for breakfast and on and on.' Many of these items, are left unopened in the freezer, frozen like the mammoths of long time past. Each time this happens, I am scolded. The same questions-
Why? Who? What? When? And I have never understood the last w is how???? Every time, Ellen will review with me, the above questions and every answers are the same-I was hungry for it, it was on sale, i might forget about the next time I am at the store. As example, I saw some meat which was marked on sale. I count how many pieces are in the package and think this will provide two meals for four. Or when I am walking past the deli, it states ham on sale. You will save so many cents. So why not buy it. After all I am saving so much. Each week, Ellen will state 'Yes you might save so much, however you paid six dollars and that is not on sale. You stilled paid way to much.' Week after week it is always the same.
Men and women truly are different in every way. However,these difference, are what it takes to make us whole, complete. It is why most men need to be baby when faced with health problems and most women just live with health problems. In most cases, once again, it is what completes us.
Lao-Tzu wrote
"To remain whole, be twisted!
To become straight, let yourself be bent.
To become full, be hollow
Be tattered, that you be renewed."

The next time HeWal

I have had the privilege, this week, to meet with two very wise gentlemen, both my uncles and both in their nineties. One uncle was from Dad's side and the other from Mom's side. They come from a time after a great war, great depression, a second great war, Korean/Vietnam wars.
The two of them are so alike, but yet so different. Just think of all their combined knowledge, wisdom and practical advice they have to offer.
And yet many of the younger generations fail to tap into their brain, including myself. What took me so long to find them? To ask them about their early childhood, what was it like during the depression, the cost of food, the endless walking on foot? There is an excitedness in their voice when they start to dwell on childhood. They lived in a time without electricity. They had to entertain themselves with nature, homemade tools and just a box to play in. It seems that we are always in a hurry, racing off to work, bustle to the store and step on the gas. We dash off so we can wait in line. We wait in lane and grumble. We wait and complain how precious our time is. We wait so we don't miss that show on TV. We just wait to hurry some more.
In their eyes, I am just a young whippersnapper. Why Uncle Butch and I, are to wrestle someday and if we were to actually fight, he would win. You can see the great pride in his work. Uncle Emerson, he one time tricked me into eating a hot pickle. I still remember that moment and to this day I love hot food. You can see he takes great pride in his environment. Their combined lives, represent a time now lost. A time in which I would love to live. I truly enjoy their company.
As any of you have experience, one day you feel great and the next you feel lousy. Thus the time when you feel good you want to drag by. We appriecate that time. However the time when we feel lousy, well we need to enjoy that time as well. I think about my uncle's lives and I know they still enjoy life to it's full.
We need to change the focus of our eye and then the event changes. Do we see our long body or just the short? Is life a non-eventful place or an event that one looks forward with each awakening? Are we a shadow or the sun? Do we darken or provide coolness? Do we burn or provide warmth?
Until the next time HeWal

The last couple of weeks have been exhausting. Ellen and I lost a dear friend in death, a brother-in-law ( who befriended me from the first time we met) passed away and I caught a virus which sapped my little bit of energy that I might have. I have neglected my gardens the last month or so, thus I worry about weeds, missing some seed for another spring, or missing a plant that is a hidden gem in the beds. Then Alex, in passing, mentioned how the front yard looks over growing and junky and embarrassment to our street. Yes, the nicotiana is over eight feet, with leaves the size of umbrellas, nastrutium trailing over sidewalk, passion vine, which is so beautiful (which I am so grateful to cousin Todd) is climbing through every bush it can find. Brush pick-up for the city of BG is coming up soon. I love to recycle grass clippings, sticks that have fallen, weeds, old plants that have finished blooming back to the earth. When I recycle my brush, I feel like I am doing some good for the shrews, butterflies, bees, wasp, toad, rabbits, birds, well you get the picture. So around the yard, which is more like a postage stamp, with gardens around every corner, around the house, up and down the driveway and sidewalk, thus there are many piles of excellent mulch. The rotting leaves, sticks and other debri, will encourage fungus, mushrooms and other jewels. If I see a bag of waste plant clippings from a neighbor I quickly snatch it up, which my family finds disturbing. That bag might contain a rich assortment of goods. Which brings me back to brush pick-up. The boys have made it very clear, they will determine what will be at the road. In fact, they have mentioned, that once I am gone, they will mow off the beds. You must understand, while the boys where growing up, there a number of restriction. The boys were allowed to play in the yard, but be careful, not right there, no move more this way, caution this is a prize plant. Please play in the street but more up the street or move down the street, you are still to close. Our epitaph, our inscription is up to us. Some use little letters or big letters, this font or that font, red ink or blue ink. Our writing is represented by an inexhaustible number of jobs that encircles this earth. Even if you feel to puny to leave a mark, you do leave that mark. Never, ever, under estimate how you are earmarked. You simply do. A point, which I remember, from Elbert Hubbard's Scrap Book (which I give big thanks to cousin Becky for this book) this point is applied to each one us "A handful of pine-seed will cover mountains with the green majesty of forest. I too will set my face to the wind and throw my handful of seed on high." Until the next time HeWal

The birds have been gobbling food like a big old storm is getting ready to roll in. The house wrens, nuthatches, catbirds, chickadees, gold finches, house finches and titmouse all fighting who will get the top perch. They also chatter as to where the best food is, how to stake out a nich for the little ones and all of the other dominant qualities that we all have as creatures of the earth. Why even the hummingbird and wasp try to secure the famous red spot on the north-east side where the sun is the shiniest. Some days the wasp wins and on other days the hummer does. the morning doves are content with the seeds that fall to the earth, along with the shrew. The little rabbit, the last of the second litter for the year, waits for the seeds to become a rich bed of new, bright green seedlings. Let us not forget the squirrel, always the squirrels, trying desperate attempts to land onto the feeders. They hang this way and that way, sretch to the north, then sretch to the south. You would think that the squirrels have escaped the traveling circus. As humans, we to are seeking to secure our future. We look for food, shelter and clothing on our backs. We become so focused on the material things or absorb with the aches and pains of life we forget how wonderful and diverse life around us truly is. It was once said: 'If we have the courage to lift our eyes above the agony of the moment, we may see a world in which the forces of applied science and the diffusion of knowledge offer to all men and nations a plane of living, a freedom and richness of spiritual, cultural, and economic attainment that can scarcely be imagined at the present moment.' Until the next time-HeWal

Unhappy person compares life to a shirt button, because it so often hangs by a thread. Or There is no fence that does not allow wind through. Or We comb our hair every morning( I know some might ? This) why not our hearts. The above are old Chinese proverbs: Where were all of these enlighten gems, while I was growing up? Why did I not listen, while older ones, sitting around the table, after a meal swapping stories about work, canning, neighbors? The aged owls just chewing the fat of life, sharing the little snippets, that got then through. The generation that belongs to our parents had the benefit (some might question these benefits) of their parents who were coming out of the Great Depression, WW II and the Dust Bowl. Our grandparents worked extra hard to tuck away money, went more often to doctors, (whose progression of new Mircle Drugs were getting stronger) and sending their children to great buildings of knowledge. I cannot change the past, of my neglect to listen, but my boys might not. When Ellen was pregnant with Nicholas, a question was placed before me, 'what steps are you going to take to improve the lot of your children?' I remember my answer was 'that I will not complicate their lives for it well be so easy.' What was I thinking? I was given only twenty years to share what I had. I cannot believe that my two sons are already in the mid-twenties. How did it get away from me so quickly? Being plagued with a disease, has forced me to slowed down. So what am I going to do with this time? Am I going to loiter, procrastinate, become slothful? It I am so grateful for this opportunity. I want to appreciate this time. I also have learned, I have more then just twenty years to raise my sons. I hope with this life lesson it will be passed on to the boys, just as it was passed down to me. It has been passed, automatically to us, by DNA, stout genes and by our solid ancestrial blood line. A privilege to all. Until another time HeWal

The last few days have been rough. I have the symptoms of flu, slight fever, sore throat, over all yuc. However like most of you well know, it might be a reaction to medicine or food or disease. Toss them all up in the air and we still would not understand what is going on in one's body. If I or any of you, ran to the doctor about every little thing going on in our bodies, can you not imagine, were we all will live for the rest of our live's? It will be spent at the doctor's office. The body is so wonderfully designed. Can you imagine, if all of the wounds, we encounter as young lads or lassies, are still present? I am not sure, be can wager a guess, that every a spot of skin will be scarred, pussing or scab overed. I sure you got a picture of what I am trying to say. But yet our skin continues to be fresher as ever, until at some point, it quits. What is it that will assist us, during the times of hopelessness, gloomy days or when body quits reviving it's skin. We each have our own method. Mine was the love of gardening. The smell of earth, not dirt, the earth, feeling each grain in fingers, the wide range of colores, high lighted with sun or a cloud. Today, I can no longer spend the time I use to due to my lack of muscle strength. I still read up on plants, how to develope different Hostas, some Lillies. I try to walk around them at lease once a day. The last few months I have done a terrible job at it with the heat and all. I hope to start again with the cooler wearther. "From the glow of enthusiasm, I let the melody escape. I pursue it. Breatless I catch up with it. It flies again, it disappears, it plunges into a chaos of diverse emotions. I catch it again, I seize it, I embrace it with delight. I multiply it then by modulations and at last, I triumph in the first theme. there is the whole symphony." Strong feelings in which I could never express as fluidly as Beethoven, not just through music but also by writing. HeWal

Seneca wrote" Just as so many rivers, so many showers of rain from above, so many medical springs do not alter the taste of the sea, so the pressure of adversity does not affect the mind of the brave man. For it maintains it's balance, and over all that happens its own complexion, because it is more powerful than external circumstances." I have pondered this thought and I am not sure if I fully agree. However, it also makes the most sense. While this cold eye of my body, my health, continues to plague me, I feel that I have changed, not so much my body, but my mind, my inner being. These last couple of days, my shell of skin, no matter if I have taken extra meds, it hurts. I have been in misery. The one point that has changed is, I understand more and more why some want to, end their life. I keep asking the doctor when will I feel goofy, in la la land? I receive the same reply' if your body needs pain medicine, you will not end up in a trance.' Just once i would love to wake up and be free of this shackle, this illness of my body. Does the affliction, I go through, truly balance me. I realize that I do not have the strength or desire to murder myself. The wonder of life, the hummer bird fighting off the wasp at the feeder, the catbird that chases way the robin at it's bath water, or the gentle breeze on my unruly hair, I wait for the incredibly, astonishing, the surprise of life. So I keep coming back to the main point; what has truly change; the brain or the body?

These past couple of days, really the last few months have been filled with sadness. The loss of dear ones to death certainly strikes one's soul. Regardless of the age, your inner being is filled with sorrow. My mother stated that you experience a wide range of emotions even emotions you were not aware of. And this little fact did came true for me. I have been to more funerals then I care to these past few months, with most of the deaths being around my age. We live in a time of acid rain, polluted air, toxic foods. We eat eat these toxic foods, we breath in the polluted air, and drink poisoned water everyday of our lives. We can to try to convince ourselves that we will eat only organic items, drink purified water and wear face mask the reality is that no matter what we do our lives are in jeopardy. So what can we do? I found this little thought of Shakespear's in Richard ||: How sour sweet music is When time is broke and no proportion kept! So is it in the music of men's lives. I wasted time, and now doth time waste me; For now hath time made me his numbering clock; My thoughts are minutes. So I repeat, what can we do? I cannot speak for the rest of you out there but I know I have been trying to appreciate every moment of my life. I have come tot love each and every minute regardless what that moment has to offer. If I am sweeping the floor, I listen to the delicate sound the straw makes when striking the floor. Or when dusting, I marvel at where did that dust all come from and what about the color of dust? When I use to mow the yard, I came to enjoy the smell of fresh mown grass. What about pulling weeds, nothing beats the earthy smell coming forth. The list that each of us can come up with well be endless. With that, may each of you, please share how you enjoy each of your moments. Until the next moment,

the wonderment of life

I loss a great and understanding brother-in-law this past week. I am not sure why, but his death trouble me. It prick my inter-being. Mortality or immortaltiy? When young we cut our finger, or scrape our knees, tear a nail and yet the body heals itself. Wonderment of life! Can you remember every single injure to one's flesh? I would think that none of us, unless you wrote everyone down, are not capable of this feat. And yet our bag of bones-which is what we are, with the building block of dust- eventually wears out. Our entire consciousness our bones, our blood, our mind, it all shuts down.
All of the little cells, perfect little factories, in our body, always rejuvenating themselves. These unit living organism, constantly rebuilding our very existence. Even when we abuse, pollute, exhaust our very flesh, they continue to worked double time. But what happens to all of those laboring cell? Why do they stop breathing new life in this frame? What causes the DNA, our genetic engineering, our very essence to go on strike? Why? Why! Oh why? One might logically think 'I ate right, exercise and took good care of my physique. I do not want to die. I want to live longer or even live forever?' No matter how sad one gets, how old one gets or how sick one is, ultimately we want to live. We fight to live, we savor life, we relish each second, we what every moment to count.
Generations come and go. Life waxes and wanes. Populations die and populations give brith. Watching my great nieces Amber, Abby and Violet reminds why I love life. They infuse me with fresh air, laughter and vitality
So until the next time, HeWal

I had a wonderful visit with an anut/uncle in their nineties the other day.
I am not really the best driver, well the main problem is that my eyes wander to much. Like, 'Oh look there is a hawk', or 'look at that flower in the ditch', 'I wonder what is that person doing on the highway at this moment?'. You get the picture. So the point of this is, that Ellen drives me everywhere.
I called Uncle Butch and Anut Justine to see if they were home and if we could come over? Yes, they were home and yes we could come over. I forget, what a wealth of knowledge, that the two of them have. It is a rare privilege to have family in their nineties. We talked of past family, the trouble with war, the changes that have occurred over these past decades, plus more.
We as a society, have a tendency to shrug off this storehouse of wisdom from older ones. We might think that older ones don't understand the new lingo, smart phones, popular diseases. We take for granted that if I need a new TV, I go and buy one. If I have a headache pop a pill. If I have a problem go see a shrink. Instead we talked of the, value of working hard to earn that TV. If one gets a headache, work through it, not to swallow a pill. If you have an issue, talked to the individual, not a stranger.
What has happened to days of calm? What happened to mornings of wonderment? What of the day of hard work with a full night of sleep? It seems that we are caught in a vortex in which our lives are spinning, spinning and spinning!
This one small visit, helped me to understand the importance of listening. Listening to experiences of a seasoned, mature veteran. Not the ramblings of an old man, but of a man who values life's sophisticated worldliness.
Uncle Butch reminds me of the following experiences found in Elbert Hubbard's Scrapbook:
Do you fear the force of the wind,
the slash of the rain?
Go face them and fight them,
Be savage again.
Go hungry and cold like the wolf,
go wade like the crane;
The palms of your hand will thicken
The skin of your cheek will tan,
You'll grow ragged and weary and swarthy,
But you'll walk like a man!

Until the next time - HeWal

You would think, being retired and fighting a disease, that days would drag by. Instead they fly by as if every moment is packed. I am reading, a second book, dealing about the universe. I have come to realize, the more I read, the less I know. I often wonder, how did I manage in school? What I did was, while in school, study what I needed, to receive that passing grade and then promptly forgot. So now, when I read, no matter what it might be, it is fresh, interesting and exciting.
How nice it would be, if each day becomes fresh and new. I once read and I quote:
"If we have the courage to lift our eyes above the agony of the moment, we may see a world in which the forces of applied science and the diffusion of knowledge offer to all men and nations a plane of living, a freedom and richness of spiritual, culture, and economic attainment that can scarcely be imagined at the present moment."

What do you think? HeWal

The sun is glorious today! Before we know it the cooler fall season will soon be here. Crickets, katydids, and other insects are singing their songs of courtship. The Fireflies will soon be gone as are the Japenese Bettles. The next time when we will see then, it means another summer is here.
Tomatoes are riping on the vine and the basil keeps on leafing onward. It is the time now for us to be soaking up the rays of summer. With winter on the way, it will be soon enough to stay in from the great outdoors.
It was once written:I know how vain it is to gild a grief with words, and yet I wish to take from every grave it's fear. Here in this world, where life and death are equal kings, all should be brave enough to meet what all the dead have met. The future hass been filled with fear, stained and polluted by the heartless past. From the wonderous tree of life the buds and blossoms fall with ripened fruit and in the common bed of earth all will sleep side by side.

My wife Ellen I, lost a dear friend who has fought cancer for a few years now.
I will try to remember that the true way to mourn the dead is to take care of the living who belong to them.
Until another time,HJ

Greetings,

This day, as this whole week has been, wonderful beautiful days. When so much of the country is suffering I feel very fortunate. With this weather I feel a little better. When the weather is half way decent I do feel just a tad better. Of course that is the case with many who face adversity of health. When ever the weather changes so does our body.

I love sitting outside reading the day away and studying the great outdoors. I only have a postage stamp of a yard, yet it yields great diversity. The number of butterflies, birds and other smaller mammals. Of course, I cannot forget the toad family! I have a number of water shelters for all of the creatures that may show up. The catbirds and gold finches share one. If a robin tries to approach, they chase it away. However the robin has it's own water bath and will chase those unwanted in his territory .

It is these little dramas, unfolding in small unassuming ways, that entertain us the most. These little dramas, even in a small way, help us in dealing with the dramas going on in our body's

That is all for now and thanks

I receive my second b-12 shot yesterday. I am not sure if it I the shot or something else that makes me feel just lousy, especially as the day wears on. No appetite. I eat cereal augmented with toast, ice cream, something salty and pastries. Both of my doctors(local MD & Cleveland Clinic) state I need to always eat more salt. As a child, I salted all of my food. When I got married, Ellen would state " you did not taste the food so how can you salt" I would state that I did not to since I already know that it will need that salt. So here I am given free reign.
My garden is getting ahead of me. I hope it cools down soon so I can get out there. I know I should worry about it, so maybe tomorrow I will start! I just finished a book dealing with the history of cowboys and their some of their custom. I learned a little bit about the word loco. I never realize that it is a plant and that livestock could become addicted.
I think all of the proverbs and catchy little saying out there do help, so
When you mourn, you cannot sing;when you sing you cannot mourn.

Until the next time-Herb

Another day into retirement. I was not ready to retire, however the opportune time arrived. I cannot seem to shake this fatigue that has been plaguing me for the last three weeks or so. Couple of weeks ago I finally call the doctor to see what is up with my body. Some test, a fasting and then blood taken. I was very low in the B-12 thus receiving a shot of B- 12 for the next ten weeks. Has anybody out there taken B-12 shots? As with everything else you take it has the potential of having mild to moderate or even serious side affects.

Since my battle with Poly, my little nickname, some of the medication has presented itself with the side affects. Such as some damage to the liver, kidneys, moles that have developed prompting the doc to remove. Some of the worst side affects have been:no longer eating spicy/hot foods. My two sons and friends we love to see who can stand the super hot/spicy foods. I love dark red and dry wine or that part any drinks with gin, out the window they go, well most of it out the window. My wife, Ellen, is one of the best cooks out there, I no longer enjoy the wonderfull meals she would cook up. I basically eat toast/jam/coffee for breakfast. Lunch is maybe some nuts, yogurt, some fruit, not much of anything. For supper/evening a bowl of cereal and a bowl of ice cream my truly only food group I love.

There is so much to learn from nature like the needle of the pine tree. They are sharp and harsh to the skin, however they provide a coolness with their shade, provide nourishing tea, the scent which relaxes and the way a breeze gently ever so softly sings it song.

Until the next time, HJ

This is where my day begins

The days fly by, even with the heat & humidity. I have been busy even though I have been feeling pretty rough. I am afraid to say when I get a new pain, spasm, ichy all over for fear of the doctor wanting to take a new test, draw more blood, more money going out. Most of the time it just was a pain, cough or spasm without getting all upset for nothing. I forget that it might be just part of growing older. But then what is normal? Think back when we youngster and you felt of all the growing pains. So maybe we also have olding pains!

One of my passions is gardening. With this heat I usually feel very sore, like a bad flu bug or I have exercise to much and your muscles are screaming at you. I figure if no matter what I do I am still going to feel bad. But with this weather my beds will just have to wait. There is always another year or maybe fall will be here before we all now.

I learned that the cowboys of old had their own Pidgin-English:Kaupee for coffee, muckamuck chuck to drink water or muckamuck for food or hiyu muckamuck plenty to eat so may we all meet up at the heehee house soon.

Good Afternoon,

The last couple of weeks have been very difficult, due to the heat and humidity. What was to be a rather busy time period (county fair, camping, conventions, ever increasing yard work with the heat & rain) turned in to a doing nothing couple of weeks. I so enjoy being active to prevent my brain from saying "I am sick". For the last twenty-five years or so I taken my two sons camping in a primitive site at Mohican State Park. We go with, over the years, five - fifteen other dads, sons and those who are fatherless. With the heat/humidity/thunderstorms, I knew I would never last, so I stayed home. One of the dads had all of the camping group over for cards and story telling.

It is a time to hike, canoe, play corn hole, ball, cards (a time to-teach poker, (however something the mothers should never know)and whatever else comes along. A time to reconnect with our progeny, our friends sitting around the fire, the telling of stories "the Ifs and when". A time period that our grandfather and our dads use to experience.

We all live in a time of 'hurry up' such as driving in one line then switch to another lane to what gain maybe another 03 seconds? Why is it that we as grown men race about? Do we not have enough stress, tension and headaches in our lives to add more? Living with a disease is disquieting enough!

I do know that when everything is coming your way you are in the wrong lane!

Until the next time